we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i think i just lost a toe
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
