She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
