so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
