dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
