Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
