yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
