Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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