Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
