i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
