what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
