She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
