Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
