i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
