remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
