it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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