Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
