nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
