a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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