Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
