I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
