He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
