"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize