He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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