My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
