Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
