We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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