Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
