If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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