If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
