So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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