dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
