look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
