If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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