the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
