how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
