ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
