Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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