Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
