i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
