i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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