I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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