Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
