I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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