i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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