I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
