So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize