and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
