just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
