yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
