Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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