it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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