soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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