Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dicks are not precious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
