He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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