I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
