he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
