so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
