then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if only i could text you this smell
She just used a chaser for red wine.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
