How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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