I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
