I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
