Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
