I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
