Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
