after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
