I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
