i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
