dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ugly people sure do ruin things
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
