I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
