I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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