it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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