but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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