you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize