Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Randomize
