That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
