Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
