Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
