nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
