IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
