wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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