dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
