He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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