somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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