I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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