Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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