If i come over, it means nothing
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
